How Healthy Is Your Relationship?
By Anna Lynn Sibal
It is so easy to say that your relationship with your sweetie is going smoothly, without any flaws, cracks or snags. If it were really that easy, then why do a lot of women seem baffled when their relationships come to an end, crying and claiming that “We were doing so well. What could have gone wrong?”
It is not easy to peer through the seemingly smooth surface of a relationship and have a good hard look at what is going on underneath. The sex may be awesome, the two of you may be having a lot of fun together, and whatever conflicts the two of you may have are easily resolved. Yet, for all these so-called positive indicators of the health of a relationship, something could be missing. This missing link could mean the end of your relationship in the long run.
It takes honesty and courage to be able to take a peek beneath the surface. Few actually deign to take more than a passing glance. But how do you know if the relationship you are in is really healthy, or if you are just glossing it over, waiting for things to fall apart?
Ask yourself these questions:
1. Can you speak your mind to your significant other without fearing his anger?
In a healthy relationship, the two persons making up the couple do not have to censor what they have to say to each other, no matter how much what the other has to say hurts. They listen patiently to each other, without going on the defensive or throwing a royal tantrum. However, rather than phrasing your words as an attack on his character, you should instead give constructive criticism and be as supportive as you can.
2. Have the two of you become mutually exclusive, or do you still get to do your own thing?
Doing some things together does wonders for the growth of intimacy between couples. However, doing everything together, to the point of abandoning friends and the pursuits and hobbies that you used to enjoy just so the two of you could become mutually exclusive, is very unhealthy. It will eventually lead to boredom and personal stagnation. Also, letting your guy do his own thing shows your generosity and your desire to see him grow as a person.
3. Are you your own self when you are with him, or do you have to put your best foot forward?
A relationship is healthy if the couple has learned to accept each other wholly. There is no need to hide behind masks and to disguise their true selves when they are together. To show him your true personality, all your flaws and all your idiosyncrasies, is a mark of your trust in him. If he accepts you entirely, flaws, flabs and kinks included, is a validation of your trust in him. This goes both ways, by the way.
4. Do the two of you get to laugh with each other and at each other?
Being able to laugh with each other and at each other is a good sign of a healthy relationship. This means that you enjoy each other’s company a lot. Also, to be able to make each other laugh means both of you understands what makes the other tick. A couple that can laugh together through good times and through bad are meant to be together forever.
5. Can you give your sex life a quick jumpstart even after a long rut?
Even if you have been at it like rabbits for the first few months of your relationship, sex cannot be hot all the time. There will always be a time when the two of you will be stuck in a rut. But what counts more for a healthy sex life together is the ability to communicate and address each other’s needs, igniting the passion whenever the two of you want it.
6. Does he bring out the best in you?
Partners in a healthy relationship constantly support and encourage each other in everything they do. They help each other grow and become more than they are with each day that passes. If the relationship is healthy, just being with the person you love and in a relationship with makes you a better person.